No matter how ambitious or career minded a person is, it is the dream of most people to find someone special to share one’s life with, someone to share one’s goals and aspirations, to learn and grow together amidst the daily challenges of life. Islam teaches us that our spouse is destined and that Allah has created us in pairs as mentioned in Surah Hujuraat, verse 13:
“O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other…” .
Marriage is undoubtedly, a milestone in a person’s life. That being said, a person’s choice of life partner is a huge determining factor of one’s quality of life. Hence, who we decide and how we go about marriage should be according to criteria given to us by Allah (swt) and Rasoulullah(saw) in order to ensure the blessings of our Creator in our relationship. Islam teaches us that the foundation of each relationship in our life should be to please our Creator and one of the deepest bonds one forms, is with one’s life partner: therefore our choice as well as our every interaction should be to please our Creator.
As with every new venture in our lives, a lot of thought goes behind the scenes to ensure its success; so should we put in efforts to be the partner of our other half’s dreams. We should first of all, know ourselves,
– What place does religion have in your life? what does being religious mean to you?
– What are your goals?
– What qualities and values are important to you?
– What kind of lifestyle do you want to live?
– What are your good character traits as well as the traits you should work on?
– What are your hobbies and interests?
These are the basic questions one should ask ourselves. Thereafter one should work on our relationship with ourselves. A person has many dimensions to him. The most important dimension is his spiritual dimension as this is the part of him that he will carry into his afterlife. Hence, He should build a deep connection with his Creator as this will sustain him in all his relationships. This includes praying punctually, fulfilling religious obligations as well as reading quraan daily.
One’s physical dimension is no doubt important as this will spark the interest of his prospective spouse. Take care of one’s body as well as one’s appearance and this will develop one’s confidence. The Prophet(saw) advised us :
“Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty”.
Eating healthy as well as exercise are all important ways towards maintaining an attractive appearance.
A person’s emotional dimension is a complex one; many a times, marriage unveils its depth and nuances. Every person is a work in progress and a person who has worked on his good and bad qualities prior to marriage will see its fruits after marriage as it will be easier to admit his mistakes. Develop qualities of empathy, listening skills, patience, forbearance and be aware that all relationships require a lot of work and emotional investment. The more you care and give of yourself, the more you will reap its fruits.
These preparations do not end with the marriage but rather are simply pointers to smoothen the road ahead. Investing in oneself is a continuous effort that should continue throughout one’s life; just as duaas for our partner begins prior to marriage and should continue to be asked daily after marriage. Lastly, keep in mind, being human means we will not reach perfection nor should we expect our partner to be perfect; the aim, however is to strive to be better each day and thrive in our relationships… InshaaAllah!